For this week’s post, we’re uncovering some of the recent and historic men’s fashion faux pas, which most of us have committed but should never repeat. Enjoy!
WORST MEN’S FASHION TRENDS IN RECENT HISTORY
- Hawaiian Shirts (circa. 2000) - AKA Aloha shirts - As if grade school wasn’t an awkward enough time in a young boy’s life, the fashion world had to make it worse by forcing us into vibrant, oversized Hawaiian shirts. Add that to the cargo shorts and sandals we were rocking at the time and the only thing keeping us from looking like the miniature version of a dad in Disney World was a fanny pack. It’s amazing any of us survived.
- Bleached hair (circa 2001) - Shortly after the Hawaiian shirt fiasco came bleached hair and frosted tips. I blame this specifically on the top 3 people I’d want to be: Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio and Justin Timberlake (post-NSYNC JT, for the record). If they hadn’t fallen into this fashion trap, I probably wouldn’t have bleached the top of my head and turned myself into a walking skunk. At least we got “The Beach” out of this trend.
- Abercrombie (circa the turn of the Millennium) - In short, fuck LFO. Not only did “Summer Girl” run rampant on the radio and in our minds for the entirety of 1999, but they also set off the height of A&F (“I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch”…kill me). Suddenly, everywhere you turned there were oversized moose (mooses?) staring you in the face, along with oversized graphics on all T’s. Luckily fashion has returned to plainer T’s, but we continue to pray that the pendulum doesn’t swing back toward large graphics...after all, fashion, like technology, is cyclical. Right?
WORST MEN’S FASHION TRENDS IN LATE HISTORY
- High-heels (circa the 9th century) - Apparently men, not women, started wearing high heels back in the 800’s to help them strap into their horses, and the trend caught on. So, ladies, you have men to blame for the pain you feel in your high heels (add it to the list), and guys, you only have our ancestors to blame for the endless complaining you hear from your lady 30 minutes after leaving your apartment for a night on the town.
- Powdered wigs (circa 18th century) - Did you know that judges in Britain and Australia still wear powdered wigs? What’s even more fascinating is how the powdered wig came to be...French King Louis XIII suffered a severe case of baldness and, in the most glaring example of twisted logic we’ve ever encountered, he battled the mockery he received from his counterparts in the royal court by wearing a wig. Sure enough, the wig became a fashion statement, and Europe’s high-society went into hot competition to rock the most outlandish fake hair. When aliens take over Earth, that bit of history will surely stump them.
- Egyptian eye makeup and cone hats (circa a really long time ago) - If you ever looked at the hieroglyphics that dominated ancient Egypt, you may have noticed everyone depicted, including the guys, had thick black lines around their eyes and cone-shaped hats. Apparently, these fashion trends had functional purpose; the black eye-liner reduced glare from the sun (similar to the black lines football players put under their eyes) and the cone hats actually contained a perfume that offset their body odor (which, as you can imagine, must have been damn near intolerable in a desert society without showers). Regardless, it must’ve looked pretty weird, and we can be especially thankful for Ray-Bans and Acqua Di Gio.
The first "raising of the roof" depiction in history